" "Don't get your hopes up, buddy. I caught the score and some highlights." And I will never live down checking the score on my computer at rehearsal, she thought, then relented. "Nice goal." "Hey, Obie could set up a tree stump, but I'll take it." "And so modest." Ryan laughed. "Part of my charm." Brody looked around. "So, what's on tap for you tonight?" "Not sure. I was just trying to decide on dinner." Brody gave her a skeptical look. "Do you have any food in here? I mean, something not processed into a box or can?" "I have . . . ." She opened the refrigerator again and cocked her head. "Apples . . . and leftover Thai. I think. I was considering mac'n'cheese. I haven't checked the freezer, though. There might be more there." Brody rolled his eyes. "Jesus. Come on, Ryan. Let's go." "Go where?" She closed the fridge. "Back to my place. I'll make something." "Brody, I can fend for myself. I'm a big girl, you know." He looked on the verge of saying something, but shook his head. Ryan. Get the fags then turn back to normal as soon as I could concentrate.That was what I had to do.But of course to get the fags I had to find someone to fuck me formoney. That scared me too. What if I lost myself in the experience?What if I couldn't find my way back?But I had to. After I had done it I could buy the cigarettes and get mybrain in order. By that time I would have sobered up some.And, I reminded myself, it was foolish to give this experience upbefore I had fully experienced it. If I did this - had sex before Iwent back, at least I could feel that I had DONE it.But I looked at my new face in the mirror again. I looked at the bigtits and the smooth round shoulders. I looked down at the exposedfleshy midriff, long bare legs and high heels.I didn't know who I was kidding. My entire being wanted to get outthere and fuck some big hairy man.Nothing else mattered.***The wind was cold on my legs and shoulders and on my chest. My hairwhipped up around my face and then down on my back..
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